I broke the rules

At age 31 some days it daunts on me that I seem to have let myself go..??

‘Dont put all your eggs in one basket’… A common phrase

Well…I decided I want a baby, ‘yes, men feel like that too sometimes’!!
I wanted a baby and a girlfriend/wife aka a family

With everything in life, there is a price, a sacrifice, some type of change/loss one has to incur to achieve the desired outcome

The girl I chose to attempt it with made it clear she was fully independent and had no problem in doing as she feels ie messing with more than one man at a time

Me, trying to overlook that but with a pinch of salt, pursued further as she had many qualities desired by myself
No one is perfect and so change began…

I couldn’t then tell her to change her life immediately as that only comes with time
In the earlier stages, both our phones would alert often some previous attraction checking in or our general social life

Slowly I had to change as well, as sometime change come from demonstration eg. I had to slow up my social network use before expecting the same of my spouse

Trouble with changing, being I knew I wanted this whether thick or thin, I would give it my best shot
Firstly I left my locality, which is an hours drive from hers, obviously my own choice, but in doing so I’d have to adapt a lot differently, and socially I disconnected drastically in order to focus on my new situation, which, again, I chose to do so

To my point now, later in, there are moments when she is a different person towards me and I feel slightly lost
Because, ‘I have made my life here’
She is still in her locality and can still easily manoeuvre socially and in winding me up with her behaviour

For, when she does, I am sat here looking at the walls knowing I wanted this, not the temperamental, but the family, thick and thin??

I researched the behaviour and it is classed as ’emotional abuse’
As I stare at the walls, I wonder why I want this so bad??

One thing I realised, men, we gotta pursue women, dates, communication etc
For them with their pretty, witty, and/or sexy selves, sex is on a plate for them, a lil half naked pic, a lil ‘hello’ txt msg

But me now, who cut everything off, ‘put all my eggs in’, think this b@*%h somehow is holding the cards and enjoys playing them

How bad do u want it???

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